…a Honey?

Project: Company Potatoes, serves 8 (Kate Aitken’s Canadian Cook Book)

I have this cookbook that’s really more of a look into Canadian just-passed-history than an actual functional cookbook. Kate Aitken’s Canadian Cook Book includes some of the most laugh-worthy meat dishes (I’ve attempted to make a few that include 4 different kinds of meat), notes to new brides, and an entire chapter on slimming down in which people mainly subsist on liver, black coffee and a tablespoon of baking soda per day. It’s a head-scratcher, for sure.

8 cups raw potatoes, thinly sliced 2 tbsp dried bread crumbs, rolled 1/2 cup soft butter 3 tsp salt 1/2 tsp pepper 1/2 cup onion, thinly sliced

Pare and thinly slice the potatoes; let them stand in cold water for 20 minutes. Drain and dry well (use a clean bath towel).

BATH TOWEL?!?!?

Oil a 2-quart casserole; sprinkle the inside with the crumbs. Arrange the first layer of potatoes on the bottom of the dish with the edges overlapping; dot with butter, sprinkle with pepper and salt; cover with a thin layer of onion. Continue in this way till the entire dish is filled; there should be about 5 layers in all. Cover tightly; bake until the potatoes are tender. Place a large hot plate over the casserole and invert; the whole golden brown round will come out like a cake.

…if your cakes always look like someone dumped a pan of scalloped potatoes on a plate, then I’ve done it right here. Kate likes to end her recipes with helpful tips for garnishes. Don’t these sound appetizing?

Garnish with slices of jellied meat loaf and pickled peaches.

Then, as though she can barely contain her excitement at sharing this recipe:

This is a honey!

Indeed. If you like buttery, thinly sliced potatoes. Which I do.

This isn’t like chocolate!

Project: Swiss Steak (Five Roses: A Guide to Good Cooking)

When I think of the Swiss, I think of fondue and chocolate. And watches and money. I don’t think of steak. And to be honest, whenever someone said they were making Swiss steak for me I’d get nervous. That sounds like you do something “interesting” with perfectly good steak. Turns out, I was right.

2 lbs round steak 1 tsp salt 1/8 tsp pepper 2 tbsp Five Roses All-Purpose Flour 2-3 tbsp fat 1 small onion, sliced 2 cups tomato juice 1 tsp Worcestershire Sauce 1 tbsp chopped celery 1 tbsp chopped green pepper 1/4 cup sliced mushrooms

Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I didn’t go out specially and buy Five Roses All-Purpose Flour. Because I already had a bunch of other flour. You can do what you like.

Leave steak in one piece or cut into serving pieces. Season with salt and pepper; sprinkle with Five Roses Flour. Heat a heavy frying pan and melt the fat. Brown meat on both sides; brown onions. Add remaining ingredients; stir well.

Ok. Here’s where things get a little bit stupid. Do you see how much celery, mushroom and green pepper they call for? Who wants to chop just 1 tbsp of celery? 1/4 cup of mushrooms is like…one mushroom. On the green pepper front, though. I was lucky. My failed container garden from the summer came through for me.

Cover and cook slowly on top of stove or bake in a moderate oven (325F). 1 1/4 to 1 1/2 hours or until tender. Add more liquid of necessary, to keep meat from sticking. Yield: 4 to 6 servings.

Now, unfortunately, 1 1/2 hours later I was so hungry that I ate the Swiss steak without actually taking a picture of the finished product. Needless to say, it looked kind of like that tomato-mushroom-green pepper mess that you see above, only with less liquid.

Truthfully, this post was just an excuse to show off my baby green pepper. Caught me.

Mediterranean Poop Platter

Project: Mediterranean Risotto (Betty Crocker Cookbook)

I’m doing my best to enjoy olives. Particularly the kalamata variety. I’m trying because my boyfriend eats olives like some people eat popcorn or peanuts. I love risotto. It just seems to have everything – it’s a one-pot meal, it’s simple, it has nuanced flavours. Everything.

4 3/4 cups warm chicken broth 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped 1 1/2 cups uncooked Arborio or other short-grain white rice 2 cups broccoli flowerets 3/4 cup crumbled feta cheese 1/2 cup oil-packed sundried tomatoes, drained and chopped 1 tsp dried oregano 1 can (2 1/4 oz) sliced ripe olives, drained

1. Heat 1/4 cup of the broth and the garlic to boiling in 12" non-stick skillet over medium-high heat. Stir in rice. Cook 1 minute, stirring constantly.

Look very closely. I realize it’s a blurry picture. But that’s not Arborio rice. It’s orzo. And this is the second time I’ve looked in the cupboard, decided not to buy Arborio rice, and then realized too late that what I thought was Arborio rice was actually orzo. Fail.

2. Pour 1/2 cup of the broth over rice mixture. Cook uncovered over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until liquid is absorbed. Continue cooking 15 to 20 minutes, adding broth 1/2 cup at a time and stirring occasionally, until rice is creamy and almost tender

Of course, orzo doesn’t get creamy and almost tender. It cooks like pasta. So it stays like pasta. Merde..

3. Stir in remaining ingredients. Cook 1 minute.

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Et voilà!

Verdict: A kind of rubbery version of risotto, with wilty broccoli, redeemed by the surprise bites of feta cheese. Kalamata olives lend a slightly diarrhoea flavour (because kalamata olives, unless disguised by tomatoes, have a slightly diarrhoea flavour). I think I can safely say I didn’t enjoy this one. Proof of this is that I found the container of this on the floor of my apartment having moved from the apartment at which I made this ris-orzo almost two weeks prior. It had become…great with mould. I obviously hadn’t missed it. Grocery-shopping fail, olives-tasting-good fail, general-dish fail.

Strange Fruit

Project: Fresh Figs with Raspberries and Rose Cream (Readers Digest Low-Calorie Cookbook)

There are many ingredients that are just not reliably available in Northern Ontario. It’s a fact of life. So, when I was visiting Toronto in September, my number one destination was Kensington Market. My primary goal was a tube of harissa, but I ended up buying a couple of totally superfluous spices (black cardamom, anyone?), some turbinado sugar (probably available here…oh well), and some really nice, ripe, fresh figs.

8 small ripe juicy figs 4 large fresh fig leaves (optional) 1 3/4 cups fresh raspberries fresh mint leaves, to decorate 7 tablespoons cultured crème fraîche 2 tsp raspberry jam finely grated zest of 1 lime 1 to 2 tbsp rose water, or to taste

Now, problem #1 is that I totally forgot to buy crème fraîche when I was at Kensington. So I tried to make it. This involves cooking cream and adding cultured buttermilk, then letting the culture do its job to thicken things up. This tactic didn’t work and I have henceforth resolved to either buy crème fraîche whenever I can get my hands on it, or just replace it with whipped cream. Nyeah.

To make the rose cream, place the crème fraîche in a bowl and beat in he raspberry jam and lime zest until the jam is well distributed. Add the rose water and stir to mix in. Transfer to a pretty serving bowl.

Cut each of the figs vertically into quarters without cutting all the way through, so they each remain whole. Arrange the fig leaves , if using, on 4 plates and place 2 figs on each plate.

So, obviously I didn’t pay much heed to the cutting directions. I’m not sure figs taste better when left partially intact…plus I’d already ruined the crème fraîche…

Spoon a dollop of the rose cream into the middle of each fig; serve the remaining cream separately. Scatter the raspberries over the plates and decorate with the mint leaves.

Et voilà! Yeah…I kind of forewent all the garnishes. Because I didn’t read the recipe properly. I thought these were pretty tasty. My other taste tester was, I think, a little trepidatious (yeah, I think I made that word up) about a big plate of strange fruit. Mixed reviews, anyway.

An exercise in excess

Ever wanted to just do the worst thing you possibly could? Let me help:

http://www.instructables.com/id/Bacon-Maple-Candy-Bars/

My boyfriend “loves the pig,” so I promised him I’d make these monstrosities for our first anniversary together. You can follow the very helpful instructable, or you can enjoy this photo journal of what happened when I made an attempt.

So, you might notice that I’m missing a few steps in my photo journal.

That’s because I got distracted being romantic with my boyfriend (INNOCENTLY romantic, people! Get your minds out of the gutter) and burned the bacon/maple/deliciousness to the bottom of my pot. Resulting in a charred-tasting candy bar, and a charred-to-the-bottom pot. I abandoned the candy bar making process at this point, forgetting about the dipping in chocolate bit. It all got eaten anyway.