Disclaimer: I'm going to talk about lady-things. If that makes you uncomfortable, you probably shouldn't read this.
I'm 10% of the way through #100happydays.
I picked a swell time to start them.
The first day I was single was the first day I didn't take my birth control.
I've suspected for a long time that, emotionally speaking, birth control makes sure that my keel is even but my decks are constantly flooded. In other words, when I'm artificially hormoned, I'm in a steady state of minor depression. This has its disadvantages - like being a constant marginal downer - and its advantages - like not being bipolar.
After I stopped my birth control, I spent about three months in utter terror that I had been subjected to some kind of immaculate conception procedure in my sleep. Though the panic involved in the notion that I was carrying the second coming was overwhelming, it wasn't until my first period came that the real fun started.
I have since been experiencing this bizarre vacillation between my two personalities: the happy horn-dog and the rage-weeper. Three weeks ago, I might have been turned on by a light breeze on the back of my neck. Though this is frustrating, since I'm not super-equipped to start looking for a new partner for adult sleepovers, it's certainly the lesser of two evils. Last week, I had a full-on meltdown at work (luckily, with no clients present) because someone didn't show up for an appointment THAT WASN'T EVEN WITH ME.
The upshot of this is that just as I decided to start seeking out the joy that already exists in my life, my totally confused endocrine system started pumping out PMS hormones like crazy and EVERYTHING IS WRONG.
Knowledge is power, though, or...knowing is half the battle, or...something else G.I. Joe said. Point is, I know that this is a temporary state of affairs. Eventually, my hypothalamus will get this shit down and know just the right amount of hormone to keep me fertile but not batshit crazy. I hope.
In the meantime, I persist with being at least a little bit happy for 100 days.
Current trends suggest that apple trees in bloom, food, physical activity and the staff and owners of my local bookstore are the greatest predictors of happiness in my life. The apple trees in bloom are fleeting, but I'm pretty sure I know how to get a bunch of everything else.
If you're on instagram or facebook, you can find my #100happydays journey at #3percenthappy. Please feel free to comment and like. Positive feedback is the rage-weeper's kryptonite.
