Mediterranean Poop Platter

Project: Mediterranean Risotto (Betty Crocker Cookbook)

I’m doing my best to enjoy olives. Particularly the kalamata variety. I’m trying because my boyfriend eats olives like some people eat popcorn or peanuts. I love risotto. It just seems to have everything – it’s a one-pot meal, it’s simple, it has nuanced flavours. Everything.

4 3/4 cups warm chicken broth 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped 1 1/2 cups uncooked Arborio or other short-grain white rice 2 cups broccoli flowerets 3/4 cup crumbled feta cheese 1/2 cup oil-packed sundried tomatoes, drained and chopped 1 tsp dried oregano 1 can (2 1/4 oz) sliced ripe olives, drained

1. Heat 1/4 cup of the broth and the garlic to boiling in 12" non-stick skillet over medium-high heat. Stir in rice. Cook 1 minute, stirring constantly.

Look very closely. I realize it’s a blurry picture. But that’s not Arborio rice. It’s orzo. And this is the second time I’ve looked in the cupboard, decided not to buy Arborio rice, and then realized too late that what I thought was Arborio rice was actually orzo. Fail.

2. Pour 1/2 cup of the broth over rice mixture. Cook uncovered over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until liquid is absorbed. Continue cooking 15 to 20 minutes, adding broth 1/2 cup at a time and stirring occasionally, until rice is creamy and almost tender

Of course, orzo doesn’t get creamy and almost tender. It cooks like pasta. So it stays like pasta. Merde..

3. Stir in remaining ingredients. Cook 1 minute.

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Et voilà!

Verdict: A kind of rubbery version of risotto, with wilty broccoli, redeemed by the surprise bites of feta cheese. Kalamata olives lend a slightly diarrhoea flavour (because kalamata olives, unless disguised by tomatoes, have a slightly diarrhoea flavour). I think I can safely say I didn’t enjoy this one. Proof of this is that I found the container of this on the floor of my apartment having moved from the apartment at which I made this ris-orzo almost two weeks prior. It had become…great with mould. I obviously hadn’t missed it. Grocery-shopping fail, olives-tasting-good fail, general-dish fail.

A Pasta Kinda Feeling

Project: Marinara Sauce with Sausage and Ricotta (Real Simple Magazine, September 2006)

Sometimes you just need some hearty carbs on a plate. I’ve been having some busy weeks lately and though I want something simple to cook, I’ve also been doing my best to eat actual foods that I made myself. It’s a constant challenge, but I’m trying to be a real live adult who lives responsibly. It’s an hourly challenge.

This sauce is a variation on a basic marinara sauce. It’s stupid simple, but I’m posting it anyway.

2 tbsp olive oil 4 cloves garlic, thinly sliced 1 28-ounce can whole or diced tomatoes, undrained 1/4 tsp red pepper flakes 1 1/2 tsp dried oregano 1 tsp salt 1 tsp sugar 16 ounces orecchiette 1 lb hot Italian sausage 1 cup crumbled ricotta

Heat 1 tbsp of the oil in a large saucepan over medium heat.

Add the garlic and cook until golden but not browned, about 1 minute.

Add the tomatoes and their juices, red pepper, oregano, salt and sugar. bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer (crushing tomatoes with the back of a wooden spoon if using whole otmatoes) until the sauce thickens slightly, about 20 minutes. Steam looks kinda gross when it’s photographed, right?

While the sauce simmers, heat 1 tbsp olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Cook 1 lb hot Italian sausage, casings removed, until no trace of pink remains. Foiled again by the steam!

Add the sausage to the sauce.

PAY NO ATTENTION TO MY DIRTY STOVETOP!

Cook the orecchiette according to the package directions.

Divide the orecchiette among plates. Top each with sauce and 1/4 cup crumbled ricotta. Serves 4.

Result? Super delish and satisfying. But made WAY more than 4 servings. This serving was massive and I still ended up with like…5-6 servings instead of 4. Who is this magazine feeding?

I Hate My Slow Cooker

Dish #1: Italian Chicken and Pasta (Better Homes and Gardens Slow Cooker Favorites Made Healthy)

I have a tiny slow-cooker. It was given to me as a well-meaning Christmas gift and I was pleased to receive it at the time. But it really only holds 2-3 servings of anything. Most of the time, I really want my slow-cooker to make things easy TONIGHT and FOR MANY NIGHTS TO COME. Ultimately: it's pretty dinky.

So, I forgot to get groceries to fill the cooker up in the morning, meaning it didn't even make things easy TONIGHT since I had to race around the grocery store, dump everything in the cooker and hope for the best AT LUNCH, leaving me 0.2 milliseconds to eat my actual lunch that day. Blargh. Before:

1 9-oz package frozen Italian-style green beans
1 cup fresh mushrooms, quartered
1 small onion, cut into 1/4" thick pieces
12 oz skinless, boneless chicken thighs, cut into 1" pieces
1 14 1/2-oz can Italian-style stewed tomatoes, undrained
1 6-oz can Italian-style tomato paste
1 tsp dried Italian seasoning, crushed
2 cloves garlic, minced
6 oz dried fettuccine, cooked and drained
3 tbsp finely shredded or grated Parmesan cheese

1. In a 3 1/2 to 4-quart slow cooker combine green beans, mushrooms, and onion. Place chicken on vegetables.
2. In a small bowl combine undrained toamtoes, tomato paste, Italian seasoning, and garlic. Pour over chicken.
3. Cover and cook on low-heat setting for 5 to 6 hours or on high-heat setting for 2 1/2 to 3 hours. Serve over fettuccine. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese.

So, turns out small-town Northern Ontario doesn't have a. Italian-style green beans or "Italian-style tomato paste." And I've only just now realized that I used 12 chicken thighs instead of 12 ounces of chicken thighs. Sigh. Finally, I used pureed tomato instead of stewed tomato because I'd already opened a can. It turned out fine that way.


Today's important lesson learned: my blackberry camera makes grated parm look like slime vomit. Yes. It's a thing.