My New Year's Resolution

This year was a dumpster fire.

In truth, the year featured a lot of actual fires: Australia, California, probably other places I don't know about.

But the general consensus I'm gathering from my various social media feeds is that this year was a particularly hard one, and that is the truth for me too.

Aside from having to completely rearrange my life around a global pandemic and then watch tens of thousands of people die because of people who would not do the same, concerning myself with the business of extinguishing the world's actual fires, and experiencing the collective stress of extremely publicized race-based violence, the sadness that goes along with that, and the inherent discomfort in reflection about my own contributions and participation in systemic racism.  Aside from all that, I enjoyed some significant personal struggles through 2020 as well.

And I see many of you out there starting that inhale so that in just over 12 hours you can let it all out in a collective sigh of relief.  

I won't be joining you.

Though I have often felt in the past that flipping the calendar year over has signified some new beginning, this year, I'm not holding my breath that moving from zero to one is going to make any impactful change in the problems I've been facing, some alone and some with the rest of the world.  In fact, I am confident that I will still experience strife through 2021.  

So, if there is a new me in the new year, it's not one that is going to start losing weight or eating better.  It's not one that's going to be more fun and enjoy life more.  Truthfully, I spent a lot of 2020 losing weight, eating better, and stopping to smell the roses when I could find them.  I'm going to keep doing that stuff.  And that's really what the new me will be all about.

My New Year's Resolution this year: I'm just going to persevere.  I'm going to resolve to have resolve.  I'm going to just keep going.  Because 2021 is going to come at me with all the same challenge as 2017, 2018, 2019, and yes, even 2020. All I can do is keep going.

Having said that, I acknowledge that there may be those of you out there reading this with worry that I've given up on life or that my outlook has darkened.  It may be the case that I'm approaching the coming year with a certain level of resignation.  But if it makes you feel better, take heart.  I assure you: if 2021 has roses, I'll smell them.