The Weirdest Fusion Guacamole Ever

 

Fire-Roasted Shrimp with Guacamole (Food & Drink Spring 2012)

I love guacamole.  I love shrimp.  The title of this recipe sounded amazing.

Start by making chili honey.  Realize after the stores close that you have less than half the required amount of ginger.  Question why there is ginger involved in a guacamole dish.

 

Place chili honey ingredients in a pot.  Decide that any ingredient called “hot pepper” equals jalapeno at my grocery store.

Produce the chili honey.  Question whether or not one can produce honey if one is not a bee. 

Chop an amusingly shaped red pepper.

Question the wisdom of putting red pepper (even if amusingly shaped) in guacamole.

Really question the wisdom of putting SESAME OIL in guacamole.  Mash it up anyway.

Peel and devein the shrimp.  Wonder if the “freshwater shrimp” label is legitimate.  Become very concerned about whether or not freshwater shrimp tastes ok.

Pan fry (fire roast?) the shrimp, drizzling it with chili honey (which contains no actual honey).

 

Plate two shrimp as directed in the recipe.

 

Eat the remaining shrimp, dipping directly into the guacamole bowl.  Marvel at the total overabundance of guacamole.  Let it go rancid in the fridge over the next few months.  Continue not to clean it up.

Country Grammar

 

No-Bake Macaroon Cookies (Jessica Lewis via Cook Along With…..Hammonds Plains District Girl Guides of Canada)

 

I cooked up a storm this weekend, so I was glad to find this no-bake recipe on the list.  I love macaroons.  They’re tasty, and easy, and help you win friends and influence people.

Concern yourself for hours over where to find a whole coconut, and how to shred it appropriately.

Assume they meant package.  Puzzle over how big a package.  Use the package you’ve already got in the cupboard.

Puzzle over the interesting use of commas in the first instruction.  I see they opted for regular comma and superfluous comma, but not Oxford comma.  Strange.

Mix together the oats, cocoa and coconut.

Boil together the sugar, butter and milk.

Wonder why the hell they call it a no-bake recipe if you still have to contend with boiling sugar-butter-milk mixture.

 

THAT LOOKS TERRIFYING!  If I were baking, it would be confined to the inside of my oven.

Mix the wet and the dry stuff together.

Wonder aloud how anyone ever decided they might try to make this.  Wonder why they didn’t stop at this point.  Doesn’t that look gross?

Spoon the mixture onto a cookie sheet and let cool until hard and not sticky.

 

Ply your friends with them for future favour extraction.  Muah-ha-ha-ha!