It's the time of year that people and media outlets stop being creative and start rehashing the year's events, hoping to boil it all down to a few sentences and themes, and maybe make a few predictions or set a few goals for the coming year. Not wanting to be left out, here's my year in review.
January - Man visits north. Relationship has existential crisis. Woman decides to move south.
February - Hibernation. Valentine's Day. More hibernation.
March - Woman tells all that she's decided to move south. Friends derive fake (maybenotfake) sabotage of move south plans. Parents offer cautious encouragement and stern warnings about pension contributions.
April - Woman rehearses for final Temiskaming Festival of Music. Gravity of situation not sinking in because job search is going poorly.
May - Woman interviews for sort of crappy jobs. Is offered one. Declines because they don't pay enough. Parents' stern warnings about pension contributions echo through her mind on repeat.
June - Woman interviews for more crappy jobs. Is offered two. Takes one. Packs up northern life in whirlwind. Feels a little bit like she's giving up on her Northern Adventure, but gravity of situation not sinking in because of new job starting IMMINENTLY. Woman pays off student debt completely with vacation hours payout.
July - Woman discovers, on first day of new job, that it is a BAD JOB. Parents' stern warnings about pension contributions echo through her mind on repeat AT TOP VOLUME. Woman starts using recently paid-down line of credit to buy groceries. Woman has loud and messy crisis about inability to adult properly. Much ugly crying ensues. Woman thanks Jebus that she gave appropriate notice to terminate part-time contract at northern nursing home and still has some work through July, even though it means that she has to drive back up North to an empty apartment every weekend and pack. And pack. And pack.
August - Woman quits BAD JOB. Woman takes NEW GOOD JOB. Woman thanks Jebus even more that she gave appropriate notice to terminate part-time contract at northern nursing home since contract company descended from the heavens with NEW GOOD JOB at exactly the right moment. Woman watches mother and cousin get married (not to each other). Woman moves out of northern weekend apartment. Much furniture is broken. Man's skull is nearly broken during epic backwards fall from back of moving truck. Friends save the day and assist with moving truck tetris. Relationship survives! Woman joins Niagara Roller Girls. First practice involves 40 minutes of hard endurance on the hottest day of the year. Woman thinks that maybe she can't play roller derby after all.
September - Woman chickens out of auditions for local community musical, remembering bitterly previous community musical auditions. Woman has existential crisis about her new, non-piano-playing identity. Woman pounds piano with score from Les Miserables. Woman embraces new home by purchasing a bushel of plum tomatoes. Makes several litres of tomato sauce. Breaks glass tabletop under heat and pressure of pot of several litres of hot tomato sauce. Buys new table. Woman has existential crisis about inability to cease making major home purchases.
October - Woman starts second NEW GOOD JOB. Woman laments not having at least one weekday (and sometimes two) off. Woman has existential crisis about work ethic. Woman travels north for the first time in two months. Feels strange not driving to her old apartment. Celebrates impending parenthood of good friends. Participates in impromptu post-baby shower jam night. Feels like things are right. Woman and man and friends start cover band. Woman no longer subjects piano to fortissimo renditions of "One Day More" on a daily basis. Frequency now biweekly only.
November - Woman turns 32. Woman increases RRSP contributions. Parents' stern warnings about pension contributions become echo somewhat more quietly. Woman has existential crisis about aging and placing TOO MUCH emphasis on adultiness. Woman celebrates birthday by playing glow-in-the-dark mini-golf in all-but-abandoned Clifton Hill Midway in late November and narrowly avoiding the over-order charge at an all-you-can-eat sushi restaurant. Youthful vigor is restored.
December - Woman plays on winning roller derby team for the first time since beginning to play roller derby. Wins MVP Blocker award for the first time since beginning to play roller derby. Decides that maybe she can play roller derby after all. Sees northern friends making Christmas Concert-related posts on Facebook. Realizes she had almost forgotten it was Christmastime because she had been involved in exactly zero Christmas concerts. Becomes melancholy. Friends from October baby shower have beautiful baby girl. Woman becomes elated. Woman receives cornet from father for birthday/Christmas. Becomes confused, but not unhappy with this unexpected gift.
So that's it, folks. That's my year in review. My goals for 2016 are to play the piano at least 75% as much as I did in 2015 (with 50% as much Les Miserables) and have 10% fewer existential crises. And learn to play the cornet.
Happy Holidays, everyone! And a Happy 2016!
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