The Daily Challenge

Some of my loyal facebook and instagram followers will be aware that I have been intermittently engaging in daily challenges which I post on the sosh-meds for accountability purposes.

But those loyal followers will know that I haven't been super engaged with the challenges lately, and that's because they don't really resonate with me.  And here's where I hit my usual conundrum: I'm really bad at being self-directed; I really need the challenge to have some relevance to me. 

Recently my challenges are wanting me to consider people who can support me in my healthy living goal, consider ways I might be supported, and then ask one of those people to support me in that way.  Lame.

Don't get me wrong, I understand very well the importance of having a support system, knowing what support you need, and communicating your needs to your support system.  I was just really hoping for a challenge where I was going to do actual stuff.  Stuff that I could photograph.  Thinking about stuff just doesn't translate to a 4x4 image on Insta.  Or maybe that's an excuse to cover up my trust issues, which are the real reason, perhaps, that I haven't asked my support system for the support I need. 

New conundrum: Is the challenge really lame, or is the challenge too challenging for me right now? 

So here's my crossroads decision: Do I find a new set of challenges (like with a different app or something), or do I actually expose my vulnerability to the people in my life who could really make a difference by being the support that I need.  I guess the fear is that I'm going to haul out my foibles and nobody's going to be there.  I'll be standing there with my hang-ups flapping in the breeze like the luckless idiot in a horror or war movie who's just been disembowelled, holding my guts in my hands with nobody to shove them back into my abdominal cavity and sew me back up again. 

It's hard to say to people that I need a buddy to check in on me to see that I'm still logging my food, or getting my steps in, or going outside sometimes instead of ensconcing myself in the rabbit-hole-like comfort of the cool glow of endless streaming television.  But that's what I need.  And I need to tell my people that's what I need.  And trust that they'll be there to give me what I need.  But that's hard.

I guess that's why it's called a challenge.