Standing is Hard.

I've always been able to stand pretty strong in the face of adversity, but this one knocked me pretty hard.

My boyfriend broke up with me on Monday.

Yes.  I'm devastated.
Yes.  I spent the past two day trying to conceal my messy crying while I attended to my day-to-day duties.  My coworkers were awkward, but understanding.
Yes.  I think he's made a huge mistake.

But, as my father so eloquently put it when I called him in tears from a Tim Horton's parking lot just north of Orillia "It takes two, you know."

And I guess that's it.  I've received no real explanation aside from "I just don't think things will work out between us."  And maybe that's enough.  Lord knows I don't need to hear a laundry list of my faults right now.  I'm good enough at making them for myself.

And while I disagree - I think we're two matching puzzle pieces that just haven't found the right sides to fit together, I guess that with too much jamming together, even pieces that fit are going to be dog-eared and be a weak link in the puzzle when they finally find the way they're supposed to go.  I was never hell-bent on finding my matching piece.  I just met him and after a while, was so unflappably sure we fit together.  I hope I've still got all the right ins and outs and corners when someone picks me up again to find where I fit.

And maybe that's why I'm so upset.  When I've grown so tangled and twisted with someone and intertwined so much of my past and present and future with his (there's a lot of intertwining;  I really thought he was it for me), I'm just at a complete loss as to how to cut away all the pieces of him without cutting away great limbs of myself.  I've really never had much luck as an arborist.  Where the fuck do I start?

So, that's how I feel: like a broken puzzle piece holding up a tree that grew twisted around me and died, hoping like hell that when the dead tree falls it doesn't take me down with it.

But I have good friends to hold me steady through the contortions of untangling myself, and to help me clean up the downed branches.  I don't know the answer to a lot of questions, and I don't know that they have any more answers than I do.  But they keep telling me when I ask them.

I'm going to be ok, right?