Baby Terror!

 

Here’s how I made these cute little baby shoes for my cousin’s firstborn.

http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/tamika---baby-shoes-in-garter-stitch-and-easy-lace-stitch

 

1.  Learn of cousin’s impending natals (like nuptials, right?) in an email from your father.

2.  Vow to begin knitting extravagant and complicated thing immediately.

3.  Re-learn of cousin’s baby news in a text message from your cousin.

4.  Take the Lord’s name in vain at your inability to remember important things, like your cousin’s baby news, your boyfriend’s birthday, your keys before locking the door, etc.

5.  Find baby shoe pattern online since that’s all you’ve got time for now.

6.  Buy the ugliest colour of yarn you can find.

7.  Begin knitting.

8.  Stop knitting for a matter of months.

9.  Knit like a madwoman because shit, she’s at like 36 weeks now.

10.  Finish the project. 

11.  Hyperventilate into a paper bag because the shoes seem big and you have no idea how big baby feet are.  Engage in hysterics because your life is not in lockstep with all the breeders out there and maybe you should hear your biological clock ticking but you don’t…oh shit, there it is.  Continue to hyperventilate through your hysterics because you don’t know how big baby feet are and you have nobody to breed with right now.

12.  Realize that procreation at this juncture in your life would be followed shortly by you locking yourself out of your apartment with your unattended baby sitting next to the oven where you left ALL THE ELEMENTS ON while you take your boyfriend out for dinner because you secretly forgot his birthday the day before.

13.  Realize that you’ve misplaced your cousin’s address.  Again.  Send her a facebook message intimating same.  Read more impatient tone than you ought into her response which contains only the requested address.

14.  Lament your colour choice one last time prior to shipping the package.  Resign yourself to being crazy childless second-cousin lady for the foreseeable future.