This year, my costume is: D.I.N.K. secretly hoping fewer children than usual come to the door so she can eat all the Smarties herself.
Cheers!
Tuesday, October 31, 2017
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
Anxious
I would say that, in general, I do not suffer from anxiety. At least not in the way most people mean when they say, "I have really bad anxiety."
If you need someone to make a public speech, I am absolutely not going to be the first person to volunteer. But if I draw the short straw, I'll probably be fine.
If I need to work in a group or find a partner in a room full of strangers, I am going to have the same moment of panic as everyone and then make the same "Well, I guess we're all in this together" face to the person next to me and hope for the best.
I have the same social reservations as everyone, and some might call it anxiety, but I've never left a room or bailed on a meeting because I was too anxious.
Things that DO make me anxious:
1. People not showing up when they say they're going to show up. This is my kryptonite. If someone is not where they say they're going to be at the appointed time, I will fo sho be texting to be like "i'm here. where u?" and if you don't respond like, immediately, I'm going to be texting you every five seconds until I receive a response. This is an endearing quality that wins friends and influences people.
2. Having to arrange a booking or purchase requiring a deposit and a time limit.
This, I would say, is turning into some kind of super-kryptonite for me. When I was trying to secure financing to purchase my house last year, I think I actually was clinically insane due to lack of sleep, developed stress-related styes and more than once did my boyfriend have to put me in a nelson hold so I could stop hyperventilating and go to sleep.
I'm finding the same thing is true now of booking a wedding venue. My dream (insofar as I've "dreamt" of my wedding) has always been to get married at my family cottage. Which is far from cities and hotels, and is in the middle of cottage country. Point is, it's getting booked up pretty fast. I'm one event application and one phone call deep and I can already feel that tingly feeling in my ribcage gearing up to put myself into some kind of hypocapnia. I'm sure I'm going to lose the venue that my mother put on hold because they needed a deposit last week that I won't know about until tomorrow.
I'm starting to see why people elope.
New Things I've Done: Uh...filled out an event planner for my wedding?
Weird Things That Have Happened to Me: I performed a feeding course for other staff at work. Sounds normal because I'm the dietitian, right? Weird because I've actually only fed someone who could not feed themselves one time in my life. One.
Resolutions: Deep. Fucking. Breathe. I see a lot of lying face down on the floor and breathing into my belly in my future.
If you need someone to make a public speech, I am absolutely not going to be the first person to volunteer. But if I draw the short straw, I'll probably be fine.
If I need to work in a group or find a partner in a room full of strangers, I am going to have the same moment of panic as everyone and then make the same "Well, I guess we're all in this together" face to the person next to me and hope for the best.
I have the same social reservations as everyone, and some might call it anxiety, but I've never left a room or bailed on a meeting because I was too anxious.
Things that DO make me anxious:
1. People not showing up when they say they're going to show up. This is my kryptonite. If someone is not where they say they're going to be at the appointed time, I will fo sho be texting to be like "i'm here. where u?" and if you don't respond like, immediately, I'm going to be texting you every five seconds until I receive a response. This is an endearing quality that wins friends and influences people.
2. Having to arrange a booking or purchase requiring a deposit and a time limit.
This, I would say, is turning into some kind of super-kryptonite for me. When I was trying to secure financing to purchase my house last year, I think I actually was clinically insane due to lack of sleep, developed stress-related styes and more than once did my boyfriend have to put me in a nelson hold so I could stop hyperventilating and go to sleep.
I'm finding the same thing is true now of booking a wedding venue. My dream (insofar as I've "dreamt" of my wedding) has always been to get married at my family cottage. Which is far from cities and hotels, and is in the middle of cottage country. Point is, it's getting booked up pretty fast. I'm one event application and one phone call deep and I can already feel that tingly feeling in my ribcage gearing up to put myself into some kind of hypocapnia. I'm sure I'm going to lose the venue that my mother put on hold because they needed a deposit last week that I won't know about until tomorrow.
I'm starting to see why people elope.
New Things I've Done: Uh...filled out an event planner for my wedding?
Weird Things That Have Happened to Me: I performed a feeding course for other staff at work. Sounds normal because I'm the dietitian, right? Weird because I've actually only fed someone who could not feed themselves one time in my life. One.
Resolutions: Deep. Fucking. Breathe. I see a lot of lying face down on the floor and breathing into my belly in my future.
Sunday, October 15, 2017
HALP
Anyone else tried to plan a wedding while they were also trying to make minor (but not inexpensive) improvements on their house?
Like, I have a budget and I make pretty good money, but it does sort of feel like I'm going to be at the bottom of a giant debt hole forever.
#firstworldproblems?
Probably.
Still, my nightguard is in rough shape these days.
New Things I've Done: I pickled pears. I feel like there's a rhyme about this, but I also feel like I might be mixing up Peter Piper with the Bare Necessities. ...And now I'm going to be humming Disney tunes all week.
Weird Things That Have Happened To Me: I have one of the worst bruises of my adult life because I was playing a tambourine too vigorously. True story.
Resolutions: Get adequate sleep. I thought I was legit suffering from depression because I just couldn't get excited about anything. I had a meltdown about not meeting my gym obligations this week. (Also, since when do I have gym obligations?). It's 8 hours or bust, now.
Like, I have a budget and I make pretty good money, but it does sort of feel like I'm going to be at the bottom of a giant debt hole forever.
#firstworldproblems?
Probably.
Still, my nightguard is in rough shape these days.
New Things I've Done: I pickled pears. I feel like there's a rhyme about this, but I also feel like I might be mixing up Peter Piper with the Bare Necessities. ...And now I'm going to be humming Disney tunes all week.
Weird Things That Have Happened To Me: I have one of the worst bruises of my adult life because I was playing a tambourine too vigorously. True story.
Resolutions: Get adequate sleep. I thought I was legit suffering from depression because I just couldn't get excited about anything. I had a meltdown about not meeting my gym obligations this week. (Also, since when do I have gym obligations?). It's 8 hours or bust, now.
Wednesday, October 4, 2017
In the Immortal Words of Whitesnake...
I joined another band.
I was elected to the roller derby league executive.
I watched a semi-professional production of Rock of Ages and I'm feeling the kicky-chorus-member/cranky-pit-band-member itch. Also, I'm humming Whitesnake more frequently than usual (how usual is usual in this case?).
Here I Go Again.
I've been here before, and the knee-jerk reaction is to think to myself that I'm super predictable.
Someone wants me to make up harmonies and sing back-up in their rock band? I'm there.
Someone thinks I'm a responsible, even-handed person with reasonable critical thinking skills? Yes, I will serve on your board of directors!
Watching some broad play the piano in a fun musical production and knowing I could kick her ass at a game of "Who sight-read it better?" while simultaneously knowing that I will never volunteer and will wait to be asked which will never happen and I'll feel wistful about what might have been forever? That's me.
But then a tiny part of me that should maybe be a bit louder is saying that maybe I find myself here because of key parts of my personality. And maybe that's not a bad thing.
Yes, I do have a good ear and a pretty ok voice.
Yes, I am a pretty even-handed person, with good critical thinking skills, who is good at setting aside her own feelings and seeing the big picture or playing the long game.
Yes, I am a pretty damn good piano player and also a really dedicated worker and I can learn three hours worth of pretty complicated music and play through the shoulder and back pain.
Yes, I am not as humble as I like to seem, but I do feign humility because I was taught from a young age that to blow my own trumpet was unbecoming.
But wait.
Why do I own a trumpet?
Maybe if I actually practised blowing it a bit I might become a reasonably good trumpeter.
(True story: I actually do own a trumpet, and I am learning [relearning - I did play in high school] how to blow it, but I think you get I'm being metaphorical here).
You get what I'm saying. And if it IS the only road I've ever known, maybe I should just keep on truckin' (she said, mixing her music references).
New Things I've Done: I got engaged! Hurray!
Weird Things That Have Happened To Me: I got engaged? I will admit that I was starting to think that the universe just didn't have it in store for me.
Resolutions: Blow trumpets that belong to me! No, seriously - I should just do the things I'm good at more and let more people know about them. Because I actually really enjoy positive feedback.
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