Anxious

I would say that, in general, I do not suffer from anxiety.  At least not in the way most people mean when they say, "I have really bad anxiety."

If you need someone to make a public speech, I am absolutely not going to be the first person to volunteer.  But if I draw the short straw, I'll probably be fine.

If I need to work in a group or find a partner in a room full of strangers, I am going to have the same moment of panic as everyone and then make the same "Well, I guess we're all in this together" face to the person next to me and hope for the best.

I have the same social reservations as everyone, and some might call it anxiety, but I've never left a room or bailed on a meeting because I was too anxious.

Things that DO make me anxious:

1. People not showing up when they say they're going to show up.  This is my kryptonite.  If someone is not where they say they're going to be at the appointed time, I will fo sho be texting to be like "i'm here.  where u?" and if you don't respond like, immediately, I'm going to be texting you every five seconds until I receive a response.  This is an endearing quality that wins friends and influences people.

2. Having to arrange a booking or purchase requiring a deposit and a time limit. 

This, I would say, is turning into some kind of super-kryptonite for me.  When I was trying to secure financing to purchase my house last year, I think I actually was clinically insane due to lack of sleep, developed stress-related styes and more than once did my boyfriend have to put me in a nelson hold so I could stop hyperventilating and go to sleep.

I'm finding the same thing is true now of booking a wedding venue.  My dream (insofar as I've "dreamt" of my wedding) has always been to get married at my family cottage.  Which is far from cities and hotels, and is in the middle of cottage country.  Point is, it's getting booked up pretty fast.  I'm one event application and one phone call deep and I can already feel that tingly feeling in my ribcage gearing up to put myself into some kind of hypocapnia.  I'm sure I'm going to lose the venue that my mother put on hold because they needed a deposit last week that I won't know about until tomorrow.

I'm starting to see why people elope.

New Things I've Done: Uh...filled out an event planner for my wedding?

Weird Things That Have Happened to Me: I performed a feeding course for other staff at work.  Sounds normal because I'm the dietitian, right?  Weird because I've actually only fed someone who could not feed themselves one time in my life.  One. 

Resolutions: Deep.  Fucking.  Breathe.  I see a lot of lying face down on the floor and breathing into my belly in my future.